Hello ladies! I’m here today to tell you about an opportunity from a place we all know – Life! This particular position is part of the Parenting Department. The position will remain open for an unspecified amount of time so feel free to apply several times if you’d like. Many of you will be chosen, some after only applying once, some after applying several times and some who haven’t applied at all. Good luck!
Job Title- Mama, Mommy, Mom, Mother, Baker, Chef, Maid, Chauffeur, Event Planner, Teacher, Accountant, ATM, etc.
Location- Everywhere
Job Status – Full Time, Permanent, Life-long
Job Description -
Reports to – Your child will always think they are the boss, and in some ways they will be right. You will also have to answer to your conscience, relatives who think they know everything about parenting and strangers who think you want their advice.
Supervises – You will supervise your own child as well as the children around them while their parents talk, text or just plain don’t pay attention.
Purpose - You will be responsible for creating and shaping this life. You will teach your child the basic life skills they need in order to survive on their own and be a productive member of society. Most importantly, you will love them no matter what.
Responsibilities include but are not limited to -
- Diaper changes
- Feedings
- Cleaning up pee, poop, puke and snot (sometimes all at once, sometimes all over you)
- Bathing
- Rocking
- Cuddling
- Boo-boo kissing
- Teaching basic life skills
- Playing
- Keeping up with household responsibilities
- Planning birthday parties, play dates, and other events
- Choosing the best toys
- Choosing the best schools
- Choosing the best foods
- Choosing the best everything (and doing a lot of research)
- Constant worry about what your child is doing, eating, saying, typing, touching, etc.
- Second-guessing every decision you make
**Additional responsibilities will be added to this list on a daily basis and cannot be predicted at this time
Authority - You will be responsible for developing a set of rules. You will also need to create, implement, and follow through with reasonable and effective punishments when these rules are broken.
Qualifications -
- Ability to function in a loud, often chaotic environment.
- Ability to function with little or no sleep.
- Ability to handle criticism from yourself and others, with the realization that no one is perfect.
- Must be available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Training – No formal training is required for this position. You may choose to train yourself by reading numerous books or practicing with others who already hold this position. However, doing these things does not guarantee that you will actually know how to do anything.
Salary – The average salary for this position is -$250,000. Expenses cannot be determined ahead of time so this is only an estimate. No expenses will ever be reimbursed. For some you won’t even receive a “thank you.” Some expenses you will regret.
Benefits – This will be the most rewarding job you’ve ever had. When your child reaches for you, utters their first word, takes their first step, graduates high school, graduates college, etc. you will get an unexplainable feeling of pride and joy. There is nothing better than watching your child learn and grow. This will be the most important job of your life.
**Disclaimer – The details of this position can change at any time without warning. Things will not always go as planned and some things will be out of your control. No one will ask you how quickly or slowly you want your child to grow up. Once you hold this position your life will be changed forever and you can never go back to the way it used to be. Your life will no longer be your own to live, you will live it for your child. You may not be called by your first name for quite some time, instead you will go by Mama, Mommy, or Mom. You will also refer to yourself as “_____’s Mom” and may lose your own identity, in addition to your mind at times. You may not be able to do the things that you once enjoyed because you will only have little time for yourself and you will use that time fulfilling the many titles that this position includes. Apply today!
This post is my entry into the Lovable Labels BlogHer ’11 Getaway Contest.
