My best friend in 3rd grade, Stacey, and I used to run to the furthest reach of the play yard during recess, lie down on the patchy grass and stare at the clouds. We’d discover animal shapes in the clouds and talk about our futures: The future where I married Ken and she married Ken’s brother, Ben. We’d each have 2 kids, who would all be best friends, of course. Oh yeah…and we lived next door to each other. Obviously.

Never, not once, in our picture of the future did I end up with a child who has Down syndrome.

On December 4th, 2009, I received news via amniocentesis results that my unborn baby had Down syndrome. I freaked out. I never considered abortion (though I later learned that 92% of pre-natal diagnoses end in termination) because my baby was already moving and kicking and there was no way I could live with myself if I took that matter into my own hands. But I truly thought that life as I knew it was over. Down syndrome is a chromosomal abnormality where one parent passes on 2 of the 21st chromosomes, instead of the 1 that is supposed to come from each parent, resulting in three 21 chromosomes. My understanding and knowledge of Down syndrome was minimal at best. Even though I was over 35, I never ever truly believed that something like this would happen…I mean, I still considered myself young (I’m coming to terms with the fact that the years are passing by, but I’m not there yet…) we didn’t have any history of Down syndrome that I knew of in my family (turns out hereditary and genetic mean two very different things. There is only a very rare form of Down syndrome that can be hereditary, and that is not what my baby has) and I didn’t know anyone with Down syndrome, so I thought of it as being something so rare that it would never happen to me. I spent the remainder of my pregnancy wondering, worrying and researching what my baby might be like. Would he have a laundry list of medical conditions like heart defects, digestive problems and sleep apnea, as the Google research claimed? What would he look like? As we attended each doctor appointment, we kept getting encouraging news. Each time something would potentially present itself, our little guy (known then to us as only “Peanut”) would triumph over any potential medical issue and get a gold star of health. I could tell he was a fighter already, and I began falling more and more in love with this little man inside me. We named him, Elijah Patrick, and he came into this world on April 20th, 2010- just as I hoped he would: without any drugs or medical intervention. I had the honor of birthing him completely naturally and it was a high unlike any I’ve experienced in my lifetime (I have an older son, Christian who is also the light of my life, but my birth experience with him, which involved interventions, was not this same high.) I felt like Elijah and I could conquer the world! Elijah is now 6 months old, and while he is slightly more delayed than most typically developing children and is near-sighted already, his “disabilities” end there, for now. I don’t know if it is the *magic* of this extra chromosome, or just ELIJAH, but he turns my world on it’s ear in the most unexpected, yet positive ways: Ways that I never could have predicted, and certainly never Expected. His life reminds me to live in the right now. I don’t know when he’ll achieve milestones, so I don’t read the “Your-baby-is-doing-this-by-this-week” books, I also don’t participate in the Mommy competitions of my baby-did-this-brilliantly-fabulous-thing-before-your-baby-did. I don’t care. Because the “odds” told me that my baby could be sick…really sick. And he wasn’t. Elijah looks at me in the most adoring way I’ve ever seen anyone looked at. I think everyone should get to have a chance to be looked at that way at some point in their life. It really makes me feel like I “won” in some of the ways I’d assumed I’d “lost”.

(Don’t mind the really not-great photo of me, but I thought the look Elijah is giving me here is pretty close to what I see everyday. Whether I’m looking at him or not, he’s looking at me, like this.)

That best friend from 3rd grade? She’s still a friend… like a sister now so many years later. We did both get married, but not to brothers. We did both have two kids, who aren’t best friends. We don’t live next door to each other. Her husband, “Ben”? He destroyed their marriage and then died a week after their divorce, leaving Stacey to fend for herself with two young children. Nothing is guaranteed. All of my previous Expectations are a useless waste of time. I’m not perfect and it’s not as though I don’t sometimes start letting unrealistic expectations get the best of me, but what my youngest son is teaching me might be more than I ever get to teach him…

-Jennifer
http://www.meandmyboysblog.blogspot.com/

For week two of guest posts from my SITS Tribe: Spring Chickens, I’m featuring Amanda.  She was chosen as the leader of our tribe and is the author of Life is a Spectrum.  She has an son, Billy, and a daughter, Willow.  Amanda is a member of the Spring Chickens Tribe because Billy has Autism.  Be sure to head over to her blog to read about her beautiful family!

I had the most incredible dream a few nights ago. It was so real, because for once, I had actually managed to remain asleep long enough to get some R.E.M. sleep. I might have slipped into a mild coma, I was so tired. But nonetheless, I dreamed.

In my dream, Billy woke me up. He was standing next to my bed and talking, completely normally about his day, about the friends he wanted to see at school, about his favorite things to do. He was looking into my eyes and just talking and talking and talking.

I couldn’t move or speak myself. In my dream, I was purposely remaining silent, because there was a part of me that knew that any sudden sound or movement could burst this moment like a bubble. I treated him like a baby deer that had wandered into my bedroom. If I said or did anything, he might suddenly remember that he was autistic and stop talking.

This was a better dream than the time I dreamed that Josh Holloway from “Lost” turned up at my front door and told me he was madly in love with me and I had to let him down easy.

In my Billy dream, I woke up suddenly. One of the kids probably made some sound on one of the baby monitors.

By the time I was awake, though, everything was quiet. And I felt like I’d been punched. Half-asleep, I kind of clawed at the air where Billy had been standing in my dream, like I could grab hold of that ghost-Billy and pull him into the real world. My face was wet, but I didn’t remember crying.

Then I heard my Billy, the real Billy, over the monitor. He was singing, “If you’re happy and you know it” at top volume. And I knew I wouldn’t trade him for anything in this world. I wouldn’t trade him for an imaginary, perfectly communicating Billy — as much as I’d like to make his life easier.

He’s happy and he knows it.

And so when conversations about a “cure” for autism take place, I’m coming from a different perspective than I did a couple of years ago. If someone handed me a pill and said that I could give it to Billy and his autism would be gone immediately and forever, I’d have a lot of questions. What would happen to his beautiful singing voice? His amazing memory? His fantastic sense of humor? His quirky way of looking at the world? Would he still love to be tickled “On the head, on the feet, on the EYES!!”? Would he still demand “Mama’s bed!” every single morning? Would he still wake up singing?

Billy’s not the talker that he was in my dream. At least, not yet. But we’re getting there. Some days are harder than others — for all of us. But he is making wonderful progress every single day.

I like to think that dream was a glimpse into the future, that for a few brief seconds, I was given the gift of seeing what we’re working toward. Someone somewhere maybe knew that in order to keep hoping and believing and working, I needed to experience what was possible. Maybe it was an early Mother’s Day present from my guardian angel.

Who knows? Josh Holloway could knock on my door any minute now. Poor guy; I’ll try not to break his heart. But you know, it’s only fair to hear him out.

The SITS Network has done such a cool thing.  They created several “tribes” and divided the members who were interested into smaller networks.  The tribes were divided and grouped up by common interests of the bloggers.  I am part of the Spring Chickens Tribe.  The members of this tribe are primarily moms to special needs kids or those who are personally affected by life’s challenges.  One of the activities we were supposed to do as a tribe was exchange guest posts with other members.  Several of us were willing to write and share posts.  I will have a new guest post each Friday for the next few weeks.  Ginny Marie from Lemon Drop Pie is the first guest poster that I’m sharing with you and what a better post for this month!  Thanks so much Ginny :) 

Are you aware? How aware are you? Aware enough to know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month? Face it, you’d have to be living on Planet X not to know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. This is the month of PINK!

My name is Ginny Marie, and I’m honored that Tara has asked me to write a guest post about Breast Cancer Awareness. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1996 when I was 27 years old. Since we all know about breast cancer, I’m going to “debunk” some breast cancer myths for you. As a breast cancer survivor, I’ll give you my response to these myths.

Myth: Young women don’t get breast cancer.

Fact: While it’s true the disease is more common in postmenopausal women, breast cancer can affect people of any age. Women under 50 account for 25% of all breast cancer cases.

My take: Unless you don’t consider 27 young, young women DO get breast cancer. Just because you are young, don’t forget to check your boobies!

Myth: Wearing an underwire bra increases your risk of getting breast cancer.

Fact: The claims that underwire bras compress the lymphatic system of the breast causing toxins to accumulate and cause breast cancer, are simply NOT TRUE.

My Take: I hate underwire bras. I’ve never worn them and never will.

Myth: Deodorant and antiperspirants cause breast cancer.

Fact: Two different rumors have caused this myth; first, that antiperspirant prevents you from sweating out toxins, which can then accumulate in lymph nodes and cause breast cancer. Toxins are not usually released through sweat, and studies have shown this rumor isn’t true. Another rumor says that the aluminum and parabens in antiperspirants may cause breast cancer. This rumor so far has been proven false, but may need more study.

My Take: I’m mostly afraid of parabens (used as preservatives in some antiperspirants). Parabens have weak estrogen-like properties, and my tumor was estrogen positive. However, I’m also afraid of smelling bad. So I look at the ingredient list; many antiperspirants don’t use parabens, and those are the ones I buy. Better safe than sorry, right? (There is no known link between parabens and breast cancer.)

Myth: Breast cancer always comes in the form of a lump.

Fact: Women should be alert for other kinds of changes that may be signs of cancer. These include swelling; skin irritation or dimpling; breast or nipple pain; nipple retraction (turning inward); redness, scaliness, or thickening of the nipple or breast skin; or a discharge other than breast milk. Breast cancer can also spread to underarm lymph nodes and cause swelling there before a tumor in the breast is large enough to be felt.

Women with a rare type of breast cancer called inflammatory breast cancer (IBC) rarely have a breast lump. Symptoms of IBC include swelling, redness, itchiness, or warmth in the breast; tenderness or pain; a change in the nipple, such as retraction; skin that appears thick and pitted like an orange peel or with ridges and small bumps; an area of the breast that looks bruised; or swollen lymph nodes under the arm.

My Take: Although my breast cancer was a lump, I’m always on the lookout for any changes in my breast. Report any change in your breasts to your doctor!

Myth: This is my favorite myth. Drinking water from a plastic bottle left in a hot car can cause cancer.

Fact: Water bottles do not contain dioxins — a group of toxic chemicals associated with health problems, including breast cancer. The sun’s rays are also not strong enough to create them. There is some concern about BPA, a compound that is thought to have estrogen-like effects. Most single-use water bottles sold in the United States are BPA-free.

My Take: Back in the 90′s when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was too poor (and frugal) to buy water bottles! I rarely drank from them, and usually had water in a glass from the sink. I still don’t buy water bottles, but more for environmental reasons than the fear of breast cancer.

There are many more myths about breast cancer; before you believe them, check with a reliable medical source first.

You can read more about how to do a breast self exam on my blog, Lemon Drop Pie: Breast Self Exam. Thank you, Tara, for letting me be your guest for the day!

Sources:
12 Myths to Ignore about Breast Cancer
25 Breast Cancer Myths and Misunderstandings

One of the keys to surviving in a tilted economic system in which opportunities to achieve a decent standard of living will be limited is versatility – and the ability to communicate articulately in a variety of ways with the widest possible audience. This includes bilingual ability as well as the ability to communicate in non-verbal ways for the benefit of the disabled – primarily the deaf.

At the same time, a growing shortage of qualified interpreters fluent in American Sign Language has led to more career opportunities – and if current trends continue, it’s likely that skilled ASL interpreters will have little problem securing lucrative employment in a society where such a commodity is destined to be in short supply.

A great deal of research has clearly demonstrated that the early years – ages 2 to five – are the best time to educate children in different modes of communication and language. This goes beyond the spoken word (though it is an optimal time for children to learn a second language); many young children have an aptitude for signing as well.

This is not as odd as you may think. As you know, many indigenous peoples around the world, including American Indian nations, have used sign language for centuries to facilitate communication with other tribes with whom they do not share a language. Some paleontologists and anthropologists theorize that Neanderthals – who apparently lacked the vocal mechanism to produce many spoken words – depended a great deal upon hand gestures to communicate.

In fact, recent research suggests that sign language is innate. An article published in the Boulder Daily Camera in 2003 presented strong evidence that babies as young as six months old communicate with their hands:

The author also cites study funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development demonstrating that young children who are taught sign language at an early age actually develop better verbal skills as they get older. The ability to sign has also helped parents in communicating with autistic children; one parent reports that “using sign language allowed her to communicate with her [autistic] son and minimized his frustration…[he now] has an advanced vocabulary and excels in math, spelling and music” (Glarion, 2003).

Not only does early childhood education in signing give pre-verbal youngsters a way to communicate, it can also strengthen the parent-child bond – in addition to giving children a solid foundation for learning a skill that will serve them well in the future. The evidence suggests that the best time to start learning ASL is before a child can even walk – and the implications for facilitating the parent-child relationship are amazing.

Emily and Kathleen are Communications Coordinators for the network of Texas educational child care facilities belonging to the AdvancED® accredited family of Primrose educational child care schools. Primrose Schools are located in 16 states throughout the U.S. and are dedicated to delivering progressive, early childhood, Balanced Learning® curriculum throughout their preschools.